dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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