If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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