note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
