hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
