STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
