Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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