I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
