A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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