You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
