You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
