youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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