he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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