just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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