I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
