how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
