we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
