we need to drink 2009 down the drain
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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