do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
