No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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