I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize