hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize