We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
