I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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