she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize