Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
