so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
