Can Purell be used as lube?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
