:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
