My brain says no but my pants say off.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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