so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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