You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
