I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my shit smells like andre
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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