Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
