I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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