"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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