Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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