areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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