Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
