Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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