I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Couch. On fire.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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