Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And then the night went full on bisexual.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize