Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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