Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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