yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
