that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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