i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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