Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
