Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
