I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
