I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
