it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
