Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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