Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i think i just lost a toe
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
