I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
