He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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