if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
