the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A bitchslap is in order.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
