Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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