i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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