yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
