In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
