What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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