We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
