I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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