while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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