These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
NoShamevember. You game?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
