Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How's work?
Spinning.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
