He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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