Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
