So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm always down for nudity.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
