i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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