There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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