i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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